Dating Lesson 3: How to Propose a Girl

Welcome, once again, to another Dating Lesson by dating experts (self-proclaimed) Ishaan and Archit. Now that we have covered the basics, let's start with another basic. Proposing is a crucial event, your life depends on it. If a proposal fails, you are single (like the writers of this article) and being single sucks. Being single is like the feeling you get after pooping - you feel relaxed but you are actually empty inside.

So let me mention beforehand who this article is for not. If you weigh more than 90kg then get out of here, just give up, you have no chance of getting a girlfriend. The rest of you all, please continue reading, this post may help you do something with you miserable lives (just like the writers of this blog are trying to). So, without further delay, let's begin. 

1. Be Yourself

A lot of people try "acting like a playa". You're unique, be yourself, but just remember to be confident. We had a friend who was an asshole. He planned to propose his girlfriend at dinner at Mainland China. We told him to be himself. So this is how things went - 

Boy: You know how hot you're making me feel right now?

Girl: Nope

Boy: Words can't explain it, let me show you.

*Throws steaming hot soup on her lap*

Three hours later he was stripped naked and beaten up with a baseball bat by her Haryanvi brother. 

2. Be Different

Making a card, or just saying "Will you be my girlfriend" is so common and stupid. There are so many more creative ways, like sending her flowers along with a perfumed letter in a pink envelope containing a poem you wrote for her or writing her a song on guitar, etc. A friend of ours, Human Tambe (pronouncd Hoo-Man) sent two of his poems to his crush, which were - 

a. If your daddy refuses to give your hand in marriage, I don't care,
    I just love your armpit hair. 

b. Jab Tum Angdahi Leti Ho, Mera Dum Ghut Jata Hai,

   Thoda Perfume Lagane Me Tumhara Kya Jaata Hai?  

25 hours later, we received a call from the doctor saying that Human was in a coma due to heavy punches to his head. 

3. Don't Fear Rejection

Being rejected is a part of life, it happens to everyone (especially to the writers of this blog). Learn from your failures and move on. A friend named Anoon Mashoop got rejected, the very next day he gave up city-life and renounced all worldly ties. He now resides in a jungle, far away from humans, busy discovering the meaning of life, 

4. Choose The Right Time and Place

Propose her at the right moment, a time when she is free and a place where she is comfortable. A guy named Chaman Bambu followed this step well. He decided to propose his crush at a time he thought she would be surprised and totally blown away. While she was in the toilet, Chaman tried opening the door. Finding it locked, he kicked the door down and revealed his feelings to her. I have been invited to his funeral, which will be held tomorrow. 

Disclaimer: This post has been brought to you by two people, highly experienced in the field of dating. After countless rejections and lonely nights, we have found out (almost) all the secrets that there are to dating and relationships. 

By Ishaan and Archit

Ph.D in Dating and Relationships 

Shopping at Spykar and Louis Vuitton (By Guest Blogger - Yash Karia)

Written by Yash Karia from frustrationsofyashkaria.blogspot.com

Since it was festive season, my friend and me went out for shopping to leech in the discounts, like every Indian does. 

Foreign brands know how Indians love cheap stuff and only buy things if they are on discount, so they have found another way to scratch our balls.


We first visited Spykar for the shopping and OMFG! It was 40% discount, totally what I call Raste ka Bhav Saste Main! The walls were covered with posters of jaundiced fellows, half naked in Spykar Jeans and girls (who looked as if they had been exported from Mongolia) wearing Skpykar apparel, making ridiculous poses. 

Friend : Wanna check out the sports wear?
We rushed to sport section and saw some cool tracks costing around Rs.1400 .So, my friend pulled out his plasma TV sized Android and started finding out 40% of 1400. 

Salesman: "Umm, Sir! There's not discount on these tracks" and then pointed to the section of discounted tracks.

Trust me guys, Shanivaris sells better tracks than these. 
Stupid orange colored tracks, they looked like someone had spilled cough syrup over them. And then there were the blue tracks which looked as if they had been rubbed with toothpaste. All of this ugly shit costed 400/-.


Next we entered the Louis Vuitton showroom where we saw Louis Vuitton Belts (normal Looking though). They costed around Rs.3000. If you buy this belt, make sure you only wear this and no clothes! Who would spend Rs.3000 just to hold their pants up? Give 10/- to tailor and he will arrange a nada! ( Better grip than this belts though) 

and the Girl said : Sir this is Pure Leopard Skin!  ( Maa ki aankh.. behenchod, nahi chahiye) 

That Girl took us to Wallet section! There she showed us 1500-5000/- Ranged wallets ( Ssly, We never put more than 100 rs in Wallets, I want to find Louis Vuitton and ask him/her.. can you buy your own Wallets?

Friend 1 : We only have 1000 bucks:)
Girl  : MC, time kyun waste kiya mera to! Huh! 
( She seemed to think we were Heirs of Queen Elizabeth) 

And then we ended up with nothing except Jockey Undies!

For more Yash Karia,
Visit frustrationsofyashkaria.blogspot.com

Dating Lesson 2: How To Find The Right Partner

Welcome to Dating Lesson 2 by Dating Experts (self-proclaimed) Ishaan and Archit. Apart from ugly looks, one of the main reasons why 93.69% of India's population is single, is that they can't find the right partner for them. So after years of extensive research, analysis, case studies, surveys and "hard" work, we came to the conclusion that your momma is ugly and we also found ways for people to find the right girlfriend or wife for themselves.

Mr. Einstein once said "Shit drops down the ass, it never returns back up." If you dive deeper into the meaning of the quote you'll find that Mr. Einstein wanted to tell us "You need to find the right partner for you, they won't be provided by God". So stop relying on your right hand and follow these tips.


1. The Search

The answer is simple. Go where your heart takes you. We had once advised our friend Ruben Booben to search for a partner where his heart takes him to. He started wandering the city for hours and days. He used stay up all night roaming the city, searching for his soul-mate. He eventually got kidnapped. We are pretty sure that wherever he is, he has found his partner.


2. Continue The Search Online 

Keep on searching for your soul-mate on websites like Facebook and Twitter. We once gave this advice to a friend, Ajay Dickshit. He spent countless hours on Facebook, adding random people as his friends and sending messages to every user he could find. On March 25, his computer got hacked and three days later his house got bombed. Like always, our advice led to good results.


3. Behavioral Patterns

Now listen carefully kids, you must immediately propose a girl if she :

• has a high-paying job.
• is an alcoholic or a drug addict (preferably addicted to cocaine or weed).
• beats children.
• pisses in public. You can even have a public piss-off showdown with her.
• loves eating ChavanPrash
• cheats during fasts (preferably Karva Chauth). 

4. Grabbing Opportunities 

Whenever you see an opportunity, grab it! Try connecting with every girl you meet. One of our friends, Praveen Thambe from Pimpri, followed this advice of ours. He once walked up to a lady in a paan shop. He tried to flirt with her and also bought her a paan. In about ten minutes, her husband drove up to the shop in his Innova and shot him six times in the head. He was a local don.

Dating Lesson 1: How to Make a Girl Break Up With You

Welcome to Dating Lesson 1 with dating experts (self proclaimed) Ishaan and Archit. I know it's weird to base the very first lesson on "Breaking Up" but believe me it's important because learning to undo mistakes is an essential basic.

Let me mention beforehand, if you are in a happy relationship and enjoying life... Get out of my blog! This post is for those weak guys (90%) who have strong and dominant girlfriends who will twist you up like a pretzel on hearing the word "break up". If you are such a person (we know you are, so don't be a sleazy bastard :D). please continue reading. This is a guide on how to get out of such relationships safely.

Most Holy Books say that one must take any measures to be happy in life, then why stay in a relationship just because you're being forced to, learn to break up. Now I would like to quote a popular chant from the Bible - Chomba 69:14 - "If someone is trapped in a dangerous relationship, O God please save him. Amen!".


Lesson 1 : Go Bananas

Behave like a crazy asshole! If you already are one, just be yourself. Let me tell you the story of my friend named Raj Muthmare who was fed up with his girlfriend and crossed all limits to break up. He and his girlfriend were in Cafe Coffee Day, when Raj suddenly stood up on the cash counter, took off his T shirt and started rubbing his nipples, up and down, slowly yet gracefully, with such immense vigor and passion, making loud sexual sounds. His girlfriend ran out of the shop like a wild boblo and never contacted him again. He was a free man.


Lesson 2: No Ball

Act like you're gay. There are hundreds of ways to do that. Spend crazy amount of time around boys, store gay porn in your phone and let her discover it, purchase a couple of pink T shirts, start listening to One Direction, just try to make her believe that you're turning gay, she'll leave you.


Lesson 3: I'm Outta Here!

This is a tip that I do not recommend, but if you're crazy enough to try it, I won't stop you. Do something unforgivable. Dating expert Archit once flushed his girlfriend's cell phone down the toilet. He immediately escaped the spot and kept out of her sight for the rest of the year. One of my friends also reached the extent of giving his girlfriend a boy-cut while she was asleep (I know, I have fucked-up friends).


Lesson 4: Going Gangsta!

This is a trick that Dating expert Ishaan has used himself. I started making my girlfriend think that I was associated with dangerous people. I started making fake phone calls about drug deals and shit. Then one day, I invited her to a party at my house. I had my friends dressed up as and behave like "taporis" at the party. At the party, I spoke to my friends as if they were some kind of illegal business partners (drug dealers). She got scared as shit and stayed away from me for the rest of her life.


Disclaimer: Please do not try any of these tricks if your girlfriend is related in any way to politicians, drug dealers, serial killers, mass murderers, suicide bombers or even criminal organizations like the Mafia, Taliban, ISIS or Yakuza.

By Ishaan and Archit
Ph.D in Dating and Relationships

The Pirate Bay Knocked Offline as Cops Raid Server Room

Famous torrent site, The Pirate Bay, has been taken offline today. According Fredrick Ingblad, a special file sharing case prosecutor, the site was knocked off the internet due to a raid on their main office in Sweden by the police. The Rights Alliance, a group promoted by music and film industries, claim credit for the shutdown and say that the raid took place due to a criminal complaint they lodged against the site. 

The future of The Pirate Bay doesn't look to bright with its founders convicted and under assault from governments and large corporations. Do you think The Pirate Bay's shutdown was required? Share your opinion in the comments.

Terrifying Nazi Experiment Prank

Bad Jokes

1. Someone stole my Microsoft Office and they're gonna pay. You have my Word.

2. Apparently someone in London gets stabbed every 52 seconds. What a poor fellow.

3. A physicist sees a young man about to jump off the Empire State building
    He yells "Don't do it! You have so much potential".

4. Why do cows wear bells?
    Because their horns don't work.

5. Women only call him ugly until they find out how much money I make.
    Then they call him ugly and poor.

6. What did the pirate say when he was 80.
    Aye Matey!

7. Someone stole my mood ring.
    I don't know how to feel about that.

8. Why does a chicken coop have 2 doors.
    Because, if it had 4 doors, it would be a chicken sedan.

9. I tries to catch the fog.
    I mist.

10. Love may be blind, but marriage is a real eye opener.

11. Why did the scientist install a knocker on his door?
      He wanted to win the No-Bell prize.

12. I say no to alcohol, it just doesn't listen.

13. Why did the bee get married?
      Because he found his honey.

14. Which word becomes shorter when you add to letter to it?
      Short

11 Interesting Facts About Google

1. There are more than 2 million searches on Google per second.

2. On an average, Google acquires 3 companies per month.

3. The name Google was created due to the misspelling of the word googol, which means the number one followed by hundred zeroes.

4. The main reason that the Google page is so plain and empty is because the creators (Larry Page and Sergei Brin) did not know HTML and just wanted a quick interface.

5. New employees at Google are called Noogles and are made to wear a propeller beanie cap on their first Friday.

6. The "I'm Feeling Lucky Button" is almost never used, but in trials it was seen that removing the button would reduce the Google experience.

7. Google's traffic doubled with the addition of the "did you mean" feature.

8. All the letters in the word "google" have been copyrighted by Google.

9. Google is visited by 620 million users everyday.

10. Up to 97% of Google's revenue comes from advertisements.

11. Google's toughest competitors are Apple, Amazon, Microsoft, Facebook and Mozilla.

Awesome Keyboard Shortcuts

1. Reopening Closed Tabs

If you ever close a tab and then realize that you needed it, this shortcut will save you!

Command:Ctrl + Shift + T

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2. Locking Your Computer

Keeping your computer safe from naughty colleagues or relatives is much easier with this shortcut!

Command: Windows button + L

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3. Getting to the Taskbar Items

This keyboard shortcut will let you move through and select items on your taskbar, which is at the bottom of the screen, using your keyboard.

Command: Windows button + T

Then you may use the arrow keys to move left and right in the taskbar and enter to select an item.

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4. Getting to the System Tray

You can get to the System Tray which is at the bottom right corner of your screen using the keyboard which is much quicker than using your mouse to do that.

Command: Windows button + B

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5. Deleting Stuff

Right-clicking the icon and selecting the delete option is one way to do it, but the easier way is selecting the item and using this shortcut.

Command: Shift + Delete button

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6. Minimizing All Open Windows

Don't you just lose your mind when there is a dozen of windows open. This shortcut is a great help.

Command: Windows button + M

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7. Zooming in or out

One of the coolest shortcuts, to zoom in or out on a point on the screen.

Command: Windows button + (+/-)

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8. Switching Tabs

Switching tabs in an open window is so much faster using a keyboard shortcut!

Command: Ctrl + Shift

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9. Opening the Task Manager Directly

Opening the task manager without going through the Ctrl + Alt + Delete screen is possible with this shortcut. Look how many seconds you can save!

Command: Ctrl + Shift + Esc

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10. Selecting the URL in the Address Bar

Selecting the URL of the website you are on has never been easier.

Command: Alt + D

5 Things Breaking Bad Taught Me

Breaking Bad is no doubt one of the greatest TV shows of all time and also holds the Guinness record for being the highest rated show of all time. Apart from being delightfully entertaining and addicting, the show also teaches us various lessons.

Warning: Major Spoiler Alert!

1. School Teachers Need To Be Paid Well

If Walt had been payed well enough that he could sustain his family, there would have been absolutely no reason for him to build up a meth empire and kill people. He would have lived a happy and ordinary life with his family, satisfying all there needs and would have died peacefully and been remembered by his family as a hard-working and simple family man.


2. Deep Down Inside, We Are All Bad

Who ever imagined that a 50 year old high school chemistry teacher would start his own drug empire and go on to destroy people's lives including his brother-in-law's? So is the case with Skylar, who started laundering Walt's money. I guess there is a bad side hidden within everyone which just needs a stimulus to reveal itself. For Walt, the stimulus was the realization that he would soon be dead and his family would be left poor.


3. Always Work With a Partner (Especially When You're Doing Something Wrong)

Just imagine how screwed Walt would have been if Jesse wouldn't have been with him all through the show. The hardest of jobs can be done if you have the right partner. Both Walt and Jesse saved each other's asses throughout the show and, took equal responsibility to get stuff done.


4. Evil Deeds Get You Nowhere

Where did meth-cooking get Walt? Nowhere! At the end, he lost the millions of dollars he had made from his meth business, Hank was killed because of him, his family (for whom he had got into meth-cooking) turned against him, and he died a poor man.


5. Always Do What You Are Passionate About

Walt was a learned and proficient chemical engineer. His knowledge and mastery over chemistry and his passion made him crazy amounts of money. Walt enjoyed doing what he did and this made him do it better than the others.

India Creates History With Mangalyaan: The Cheapest Mars Mission Ever

Congratulations Indians! The ISRO (Indian Space Research Organization) has today achieved a historic feat with Mangalyaan which we all should be proud of.

With India's homegrown Mangalyaan mission, India has become the first country in the world to enter Mars' orbit in it's first attempt. This has also been the cheapest and most cost efficient Mars Mission in history, costing only 450 crore rupees ($75 million), which is just one-tenth of the $670 million dollars that NASA spent on it's Maven explorer.

The cost of the mission, is said to have been less than the money used to make the Hollywood movie "Gravity" which cost $100 million.

Europe's 2003 Mars Express Orbiter had costed them around $386 million. Another Mars Mission by Japan which had failed to enter Mars' orbit cost more than double of that of Mangalyaan's. The Phobos-Grunt from Russia failed to leave the earth's orbit but still had cost them around $117 million.

The ISRO is already planning further missions which includes a mission to send a rover to the Moon. India will surely be a superpower in the future if it continues to achieve such feats. 

The iPhone 6 Has a Bending Problem

After tonnes of people reported that their iPhone's appeared to be slightly bent, after staying in their pockets for too long, Unbox Therapy decided to make a video to prove if it is true or not. Here it is:

Games That Should Be Turned Into Movies

Games and movies are the two things I love the most but I always prefer games over films. I played my first game when I was 10 years old (it was Half-Life 2, I guess) and it was love on first play. Never in my life had a movie entertained me as much as Half-Life 2 did. It had been made clear to me that I would continue playing games for the rest of my life.

Coming to the point... Games have developed a lot through the years. Most of the major games these days have well developed plots and scripts along with realistic characters and dialogues which make some games as good as movies, if not better. Many titles such as Prince of Persia, Max Payne and Lara Croft: Tomb Raider have already been made into films but there have been many worthy games which have been missed out. So here's a list of the games which, I think, should definitely made into movies.

Video Games

1.Assassin's Creed Series

Assassin's Creed games have been around since 2007. They have been a huge success and already have been made into novels, comics and a TV mini-series. Finally, the developers have decided to make a film on the series. The planned date for the movie release is June 19, 2015.

2. Uncharted Series

The series has sold about 17 million copies worldwide as of 2012. It's no doubt that gamers love Uncharted, although it is made only for PlayStation 3. So, the game definitely deserves a movie. Columbia Pictures has announced that an Uncharted movie is being developed but no official release date has been revealed as of now.

3. The Last of Us

The Last of Us, developed by Naughty Dog (the guys who made Uncharted), has earned the status of "legendary" and is considered to be the fastest selling PlayStation 3 game of all time. The game received widespread critical acclaim for it's script, voice acting, sound design, level design and art direction and was also praised for the themes it's story dealt with , such as sacrifice, loyalty, fate and hope. Playing the game was almost like watching a movie, only that it let you play as a character and hence, get involved in the story. I am sure that a movie made on The Last of Us will be a huge success like the game is.

4. The BioShock Series

A series whose story amazed me the most is BioShock (like I mentioned in my BioShock Infinite: Review). BioShock games have plots with unique concepts and are a bit complex, with long character back-stories and histories of the cities in which the games are set. The story seems convincing and realistic because of the detailed explanations and cut scenes. A movie based on BioShock has the full potential to be a work of brilliance.

5. Heavy Rain

The game features the mystery of the Origami Killer who uses extended periods of rainfall to drown his victims. Sounds awesome, doesn't it. The game is heavily centered on the plot and mostly offers quick-time game-play, so it's practically an interactive movie. The game already has an awesome storyline, so all a movie producer needs to make a film on it, is a skilled director.

6. Metal Gear Solid Series

The series is known for it's long cut scenes, story, graphics and also for one of my favorite characters of all time - Solid Snake. It would be a pleasure to watch Snake performing his stunts and stealthily killing enemies on a movie screen. The creator of the series, Hideo Kojima announced that a Metal Gear movie is in development with Columbia Pictures but did not specify a release date.

7. Half Life Series

Half Life, along with Doom revolutionized first person shooter games. Half Life 2 was one of the first games I had played, as I mentioned before. Apart from having amazing game-play, the Half Life series was also praised for it's intricate plot. The CEO of Valve (the developer of Half Life), Gabe Newell, once announced that he has plans to develop a film based on half life's story.

Breaking News: Apple Unveils iPhone 6 and iWatch

One of our favorite tech companies, Apple has finally revealed the iPhone 6 and iPhone 6 Plus along with another sweet gadget, the iWatch, which as the name suggests, is Apple's rendition of a smart watch.

The iPhone 6 will be available in two screen sizes of 4.7 and 5.5 inches. The 5.5 inches version of the iPhone 6 would be called the iPhone 6 Plus. Apple says that the 4.7-inch iPhone 6 will have 38 percent more pixels than its predecessor, the iPhone 5s, while the iPhone 6 Plus boasts 185 percent more pixels. 

In thickness, the iPhone 6 is quite slim. The iPhone 6 is 6.9 mm thick while the iPhone 6 Plus has a thickness of 7.1 mm. The iPhone 6 will be the slimmest phone Apple has ever made till date.

When it comes to hardware, the new phone will continue with iPhone 5's Touch ID as well as the volume and mute buttons. However, the sleep button has been relocated to the right side. 

The iPhone 6 will contain Apple's new A8 processor which is 25 percent faster than the previous A7 processor. Both of the new iPhones will feature the iOS 8, obviously. 

The iPhone 6 and iPhone 6 Plus take motion tracking to a whole new level, presenting us with the new M8 motion co-processor which includes a new barometer, that measures relative elevation from air pressure. This would enable developers to create games and apps which can determine the distance walked or run, and stairs stepped by the user.

As for the iWatch, as the name says, it will be a wearable wrist device (basically a watch, but much more). Users will be able to make and receive calls and also play music using the iWatch.

Click here for further details about the iWatch

The Most Terrifying Prank Ever

Amazing Drumming Skills

World's Toughest Job - Video

Smartphones: Behind The Scenes...

Finally Comedy Nights With Kapil will Have Sunny Leone as a Guest

Comedy Nights With Kapil, also known as the funniest show on Indian television, will be starring ex-porn star and Bollywood actress Sunny Leone along with Ekta Kapoor as guests on the next episode. Ekta and Sunny will be promoting their new movie, Ragini MMS 2.

Kapil Sharma, the man behind Comedy Nights With Kapil, refused to have Sunny Leone as a guest in December 2013 when her movie, Jackpot hit the cinemas, as he thought that having a porn star as a guest would affect the public image of his popular family show. But things seem to have changed now.

Reports Claim - HTC M8 Coming With Two Cameras

The release date for the HTC M8 has been announced - March 25th. Details about what to expect from the upcoming HTC phone have been published online.

Pocket-Lint says that the M8 will have a second camera sensor. The second camera will be controlled through an app bundled with the phone. Pocket-Lint also said that the second camera will enable the phone to click pictures using the "bokeh" technique.

"Bokeh" is the blur caused by a picture with a short depth of focus and is popular in portrait photography.

If these reports are true, it will be the first time that a phone with two cameras has made it to the market and the phone will definitely be a success, at least in terms of innovation. 

SoundCloud Introduces Revamped Messaging System

SoundCloud has started a revamped messaging system for the website today, making it easier creators and listeners to share songs and playlists.

With the envelope icon at the top of the screen, users can review their inbox and compose new messages. Conversations have been threaded together too, making messages easier to view.

When you insert a URL for a track or playlist, it will be replaced automatically with the SoundCloud player, complete with buttons for adding a like, resharing it, adding it to a playlist or downloading it.

There is also a new Message option when you hit the share button under the SoundCloud player. Similar to the new inbox, here you can embed the track or playlist, write a note and specify who would you like to send it to.

Call of Duty DLC - "Onslaught" Releasing On January 28

The first Downloadable Content pack for the new Call of Duty: Ghosts will arrive on January 28, confirms Infinity Ward on Twitter. Onslaught includes four new multiplayer maps, some new guns and the first add-on episode called Nightfall - For Extinction, the game's alien survival mode.

The details of the Onslaught pack comes from a reportedly leaked GameStop poster, spotted by a Call of Duty fan on Twitter. According to the poster, the four new multiplayer maps are Bayview, Containment, Fog and Ignition. The new weapons are the Maverick assault rifle and Maverick sniper rifle.

Microsoft Windows 9 (Code-named Threshold) Could Be Unveiled in April

It is possible that Microsoft will reveal Windows 9 sooner than we expected. Earlier known as Threshold, Windows 9 may be a lot more than a usual Windows Operating System. Microsoft wants a new version completely different from Windows 8.

It is clear that Windows 8 was a failure, even with the updated Windows 8.1. It is running only on 25 million PCs which is a disaster for Microsoft. So, Threshold may be a harder attempt from Microsoft to compensate for the disappointment of Windows 8.

Sources say that Windows 9 may be unveiled at Build 2014 this April. But it is likely that Microsoft may not start working on it's new Operating System until May.

The release of Windows 9 is expected by April 2015.